Ryoulocks and the Three Yamis
by Hee Ho Kun
Summary: It's a twisted fairytale as Ryoulocks stumbles across a house deep in the woods, where three very strange yamis dwell...


This was written two years ago; so bare with me here plp. It will be pathetic .""

I thought that this would be a good idea sooo I tried it out and it seems to have come out okay.

Disclaimer: I own none of the Yu-gi-oh! Characters in this story and none of the actual fairy tales are mine. I have altered most of the stories but the basic plot is still the fairy tales. The changes I have made are my own, copy them and DIE!

**Read and Review!**

Ryoulocks and the three Yami's 

Once upon a time there lived three yami's. Yami Bakura, Yami Marik and Yami Yugi. All three of them lived happily together in a small, cosy cottage in the woods. Well, almost happily. It was a sunny Sunday afternoon and they had just sat down for lunch.

"What's on the menu for today Marik?" asked Yami Yugi while sitting at the kitchen table. Marik, who had his head in the oven, never replied only giving a little giggle. "It's probably meat. We always have meat." Yami Yugi glanced over at the bored, white haired Yami. He was slouched ill-manneredly over the table top, playing with his steak knife.

"But I thought you liked meat?"

"Not for every meal. Besides, we had meat this morning!"

Yami Yugi sighed at Bakura's point. True, the meat was getting on his palate's nerves now. In fact, if he ate another piece of meat he'd probably throw up or even worse… become a vegetarian. He cringed with disgust at the idea, prompting a raised eyebrow from Bakura. Finally Marik removed a tray from within the oven and hurriedly placed it on the counter top. "Ooh it's ready," he cooed, poking at the contents, "Guess what we're having?"

It was pretty obvious by the meaty aroma wafting through the air.

"Let me guess, could it be… meat?" Bakura answered sarcastically.

Marik squealed with delight and shoved the tray in front of the white haired yami's face. "It's steak!"

The other two groaned in unison, "Oh great, it's steak."

"Oh yes, it's steak, isn't that great?"

"Great. It's steak. Couldn't we have a break?"

"But why? It's steak! What else would I make?"

"What else, but steak? How about some cake?"

"Cake? Not steak? What the hell? I don't bake!"

"That's enough!"

Yami Marik and Yami Yugi both looked at Bakura, who had stood up. "Stop it with this stupid _rhyming_!"

"Humph, he had to having such bad _timing_"

What do you think this is, a musical? You two are impossible!"

"Dude I think you need to chill. Maybe have a pill?"

"Argghh!" Bakura growled and stormed out of the house. "Hey wait for me!" Yami Yugi called and ran after him.

"Great. Now I'm left with the steak. For heavens sake! I will not wait!"

And with that Marik ran out of the house, leaving it completely unlocked and open for any idiot to waltz in. And that idiot happened to be coming along right now.

Ryoulocks skipped happily down the pathway, curling one of his white locks. Perched on a branch above him, three birds chirped cheerfully. "Oh hello my feathered friends," he smiled, "Would you like to whistle a tune with me?" They nodded happily and flew down to him. "I think we should whistle… hmm this is tough. I can't seem to think of any. Oh wait, I know! How about you guys start it off and I'll catch along with the tune!" The birds started whistling joyfully while Ryoulocks tapped his foot, trying to find the tune.

He really was an idiot, thinking that the birds were singing with him. They were actually trying to draw attention to him so the local wolf could come and disembowel him. Unfortunately for them, today little Violet Malikhood was in the woods so the wolf was quite occupied.

Ryoulocks pranced around the birds whistling loudly. "Oh joy this is such a wonderful day!" he sang. The birds stopped when they heard what could hardly be called "singing". It sounded more like he was constipated for three weeks and finally decided it was time to take a dump.

"Oh what a wonderful d-AY!" he sang, going very false on "day".

The birds cringed as the high pitched wailing was piercing. It could be heard throughout the woods, disturbing most of the other residents. All the other forest animals gave the birds looks. The bunny even denied knowing them.

"Hey sing with me now. I can feel it, I can fe-eeel!"

The birds looked at each other, then at the howling boy and nodded to themselves. They started pecking his head. "Owwchie," Ryoulocks squealed in pain. He flung his arms at them but the feathered fowls never gave up. Any risk was worth it as long as Ryoulocks couldn't sing.

"Leave me alone," he moaned pathetically and started running away. One bird went to land a splodge on his head. Ryoulocks started crying at the fact that his beautiful locks now had bird shit plastered on it. Luckily for his locks the simple hikari spotted a cosy cottage nearby. With all the energy he could muster in the pathetic excuse he called legs, he sprinted towards it.

Luckily for him, some fool had left the door open allowing him to dive for cover from the attacking birds. He scrambled in and shut the door.

"Hah, you stupid feathered freaks can't get me now!" he teased sticking out his tongue and pulling other dumb faces. One of the birds gave him the finger, while the others made other derogatory signs and jeers. They finally left after a while from boredom leaving Ryolocks by himself in the house.

"Hmm something's telling me that I should leave since I am trespassing onto another persons property which is a crime that I could be jailed for…I know, I could tell them that I was just visiting!"

And so the ditzy boy decided to stay.

"So what shall I do?" He mused until hearing a deafening groan that made him jump. "What was that? Who's there? I'm warning you, I have a black belt in shin kicksu!" He heard the groan yet again, followed by a liquidly rumble. Feeling his belly, it struck him that it was in fact him that was making the loud bodily noises. "Ooh I'm hungry. I wonder if there's any food for me?" He then noticed a tantalizing odour in the air and followed it to the source which lay in three plates on the kitchen table. He inspected the first plate. It was blue and had the name "Bakura" written on the rim. A piece of steak lay in a pool of gravy.

"Oh yummy steak!"

Sitting down on the chair, Ryoulocks took hold of the steak knife and fork. He started to cut off a sliver of meat to taste. His cutting never lasted for long as the knife didn't even make a dent in the meat. Puzzled, he started to stab at it. The knife got stuck in the tough meat and no matter how hard he pulled, Ryoulocks couldn't get it out.

"Gee, I guess this person really likes it hard and tough."

Aggravated by his ravenous appetite and the toughness of the steak, he picked it up by the knife and started chewing on it. He tugged, he pulled, he chewed, he gnawed, he chomped, he munched but the steak was far too tough. He finally threw the chewed up piece of steak back into the plate. "Ugh, this steak is too tough!" he cried while rubbing his now aching jaw.

Ryoulocks shifted over to the next plate which was pink and had the name "Marik" on it.

"Ooh and it's my favourite colour! This should be good."

Inspecting the plate he found that the steak was nowhere to be found. There was just a rather large lake of gravy staring at him. Taking the fork he poked at the gravy and found something fairly solid. He gently scooped it up and from what he could see (which was a lump of brown stuff) and smell; he concluded that it was steak.

"Bottoms up," he toasted and slid the contents into his mouth. The steak basically disintegrated the minute it entered his mouth. Ryoulocks gagged and spat it back into the plate.

"Gross, that steak is _too _tender!"

Wiping his mouth he went to the last plate, which was yellow, and with the name "Yugi" on it.

He was a bit put off by the previous steaks and hesitated to eat this one. Although from what it looked like, which was like an ordinary steak, he decided that he might as well try. Gingerly, he cut off a piece and stuck it into his mouth. Surprisingly, the steak was quite nice, even tasty!

"This is just right!" Ryoulocks grinned and wolfed down the rest of the steak.

After eating, the moron was tired so he wandered through out the house trying to find the bedroom. He came to a room which had a sign "Yami's Lair" on the doorpost.

"That may be where the bed is, but I'd better try the rest of the house first."

So he did and surprise surprise, he never found any.

"I guess this is it then," he mumbled to himself while feeling a bit stupid at the same time. Opening the door he found a large and quite luxurious room. Awed by its quality, Ryoulocks ran around inspecting every detail. Three cupboards especially caught his attention.

He went to the first cupboard which was yellow. He took out an outfit and put tried to put it on. The outfit was a long pants and a muscle top with a ridiculous amount of belts, eight to be exact. Although it was quite simple to put on if you did so logically, but this is _Ryoulocks_ that we're talking about here and the simple minded boy couldn't figure out what belt went where.

"This is too…. belty!" he moaned disappointedly as he threw it onto the floor.

He opened the second cupboard which was pink and grabbed the first outfit he could get his paws on. "I like pink, it's so… pink!" he beamed while chucking off his clothes and slipping on the others.

He looked at himself in the mirror. The crop top, which he had put on, was made so that it never even covered his nipples and the hot pants left more ass sticking out than in.

"Waah, this is too skanky!" he blushed and threw it off.

He went to the final cupboard which was blue. Holding his breathe, he opened the cupboard expecting the worst. His frown changed into a broad smile when he saw what outfit hung there.

"I'm going to like this…."

Satisfied with what was in the mirror he grinned happily. "Now this is just right."

Ryoulocks found that he felt even more fatigued after trying on the outfits so he decided to go sleep. He went to the king sized bed. There were three pillows; pink, blue and yellow. "What pillow should I sleep on?" he pondered while getting on the bed. So he tried the first one, which was pink. It was soft, so soft that his head started sinking deeper and deeper into the pillow.

"It wants to eat my head!" he shrieked and sat up. "That one is too soft!"

He rolled over to the second, which was blue. He collapsed into it and yelped with pain. "This is way too hard," he groaned and opened the pillow cover. There was a brick in it.

Tired, hurt and very close to tears, Ryoulocks went to the very last pillow. He whimpered and slowly put his head down anticipating pain or worse. Much to his surprise, it was normal. Not to soft and not to hard. "Just right," he purred and fell asleep.

Just then, the residents of the house returned.

"Oh yes, it's time to e-e-e-e-eat!" Yami Marik laughed as he walked in.

"I hate it when you do that! It's not my fault that I say "duel" like that in the intro song!" Yami Yugi groaned. Yami Bakura walked in behind him, grumbling and growling to himself. He honestly never knew why he stayed with those two. He stopped when it occurred to him that the door was left open this whole time.

"Marik, did you close the door behind you earlier on?"

"Maybe."

Bakura glared at the Egyptian, finding it harder to control his anger and phoning the local wolf. Hell, he would do the disembowelling himself!

"Another time, another time," he repeated to himself through his teeth.

He was suddenly disturbed by a high pitched girly scream.

Marik was jumping like mad and pointing to his "steak".

"Some idiot's been eating my beautiful steak!"

Bakura peered at the hideous lump of brown purée on the pink plate.

"Really? I never thought anyone could be so disgustingly brave to do so."

"Shut up, you meanie! How can you joke about something like this?" Marik sobbed.

Bakura started to laugh while walking over to his plate. "Look it's not my fault that something ate that sludge you call food." He stopped when he saw what had become of his piece of steak.

"WTF, SOME IDIOT'S BEEN EATING MY STEAK?"

Bakura irately slammed his fist onto the table. "That was a perfectly good piece of steak, it was perfectly burnt and tough, just the way I love it! Heads are going to roll for this."

Yami Yugi inspected his steak and found that it had disappeared off his plate.

"Well, some idiot ate my steak since it's not here…"

The three very angry, very irrational and very pissed yami's stormed out of the kitchen and searched the house for the perpetrator. Their search brought them to the bedroom. "This is the only place we haven't checked. Whoever ate our steak is in this room," Yami Yugi whispered to them outside the door.

"And if not we call the wolf?" Bakura said psychotically while holding an axe in his hands.

"Yes Bakura, then we call the wolf."

"Wolf good for Bakura!" he grinned, his eye starting to twitch.

"Let's just get this over with," Marik whimpered, his eyes bloodshot from crying and his hanky wet.

Yami Yugi nodded and opened the door. He slowly managed to step in before Bakura pushed his way past them, swinging the axe around and yelling like a psychopath. "Bakura keep it down!" Yami Yugi said raising his voice slightly.

"But Yami, I'm just going to chop them up into a gazillion little pieces," Bakura crooned innocently. Yami Yugi sighed and shook his head. They then heard another one of Marik's girly screams.

"Some idiot's been trying on my clothes!" he wailed and flung himself on the floor, kicking and screaming.

Yami Yugi noticed that his cupboard was also open and his clothes were also tossed around.

"Some idiot's been trying on my clothes too."

"Hey guys."

They both stopped and looked towards Bakura who was smiling sadistically by the bed.

"Some idiot's been trying on my clothes, and they're hot!"

In an instant, the two yami's joined Bakura's side by the bed.

"Gasp, you're right!" Yami Yugi gaped while staring at the sleeping boy.

Marik gasped too, but for a different reason.

"Some idiot's been sleeping on my pill-" he began before being cut off by Yami Yugi's hand.

"Who knew someone other than Bakura could look so good in leather?"

Bakura smiled and nodded, taking out a pair of hand cuffs. "Well, we have to punish him for coming into our house without permission and giving Marik a panic attack."

"Oh yes I agree," Marik said wiping his eyes and getting out a whip.

"Works for me," Yami Yugi shrugged and took off his top. Bakura gently bent down to Ryoulockse's level and blew into his ear. He woke up with a jolt and screamed at finding the three yami's standing by the bed. "Who are you guys?" he yelped, trying to move his hands which were cuffed to the bed. Bakura grinned and replied, "The owners of this house. You've been a naughty little boy for coming into our house and using our things without our permission. You have to be disciplined for that." Marik nodded, cracked the whip and grinned.

"Aaaaaah!"

And they all lived happily ever after.

The End

XD-XO-X(-X)-XI-XS-XDXO-X(-X)-XI-XD-XO-X(-X)-XI-XD-XO-X(-X)-XI-XD-XO-X(-X)

Guess what….. U survived thru the whole story! WTF u probably thought while reading the story. I know. Pls review, don't mind flames, they make me laugh n.n

XO


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